Living Is Easy With Eyes Closed
by LiveInFear
Summary: NEW SUMMARY: The aftermath of an attack leaves them all questioning their friends, their family...themselves. Rated T for now. Quite dark.
1. Middle of nowhere finally you can breath

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my imagination._

_Author's Note: Please bare with me. This is sorta just a jumble of words, feelings and emotions at the moment._

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**Loss.**

It's a simple enough notion. The loss of something. To misplace an item. A defeat in a sporting match. To lose a few of the unwanted holiday pounds.

A simplistic notion.

But an unfathomable and profound emotion.

For most, loss is an impossible emotion to deal with. It was an end, a closed book, a crimson stop sign.

However, to her, loss was all she knew. It wasn't some immeasurable twist of fate, or a ruthless form of torture. In some warped way, loss was her sign that everything was alright.

--

It hadn't surprised her. From the very first moments she had assumed it would come to this conclusion. She barely felt it. But then again, she barely felt anything these days. She simply accepted it.

"I'll let you get some rest." She merely nodded in response, closing her eyes in a vain attempt to follow orders. The darkness she was met with brought her a strange sense of satisfaction. It was a place she knew well, a shelter from the emptiness she felt.

When she finally unclenched her eye lids, the harsh lights of the room flooded her vision. She winced in discomfort. The sweat-soaked material of her clothing clung fixedly to her aching skin. The unkind cloth of the bed sheets tore away at the back of her legs. And in the corner of the room, a simple analog clock ticked persistently away, counting every uncomfortable moment and storing it away in its memory.

She glanced at the worn key pad of phone that lay on the table beside her. It begged, screamed for her attention. She simply took a deep breath – in and then out, and forced herself to turn away from it. It only held heartache. Instead, she reached for the television remote, grasping it and aiming it in the direction of the humble screen across the room. With an effortless click, light sprang to the monitor. The evening weather report. She let out a sarcastic laugh. The forecast for the new few days was dark and cloudy. The notion somewhat saddened her. Another sarcastic laugh. It was typical. A day like today, and the only hint of sadness she felt was due to the weather forecast.


	2. I will follow you into the dark

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my imagination._

_Author's Note: I know I've taken months to update, but I just haven't had the drive to write. But now with seaosn 6 back in full swing...I got some inspiration. This story has actually taken a different plotline than originally intented, but anways...please R/R  
_

A hand flew to her waist, gripping it with agonising force.

A smirk fell on the tender skin of her neck, leaving trails of beer soaked kisses and drug induced bites.

She involuntarily shuddered as his calloused fingers tugged at the straps of her already torn and shredded evening gown.

Clothing torn, skin bleeding…a slurred sigh.

But she felt nothing.

--

She trembled with each step, afraid of sinking through the carpet. The gentle fingertips of her friend offered support to her lower back, guiding her. Her face hung low, fixated on every calculated movement her feet made. When the back of her legs grazed the plush fabric of the sofa, she hissed before falling backwards into the cushions.

The sofa dipped as her friend occupied the cushion beside her, taking her brittle hand. "Peyton…talk to me." She'd practically begged, her eyes tainted with a familiar sadness. The blonde reluctantly turned to her friend, gingerly lifting her heavy lids. She ran her tongue cautiously over her broken and swollen lips. "He'll hate me," she mumbled, turning her stare to the wooden coffee table. "Who will? Luca-" she cut her sentence short as her friend flinch. "Peyton. Peyton you've got to talk to me. You've got to tell me what happened."

Slowly, reluctantly, her blank emerald orbs turned to the awaiting chocolate browns. "I was raped." She seemed to spit the words from her bruised mouth, filling each syllable with every inch of hatred that consumed her. She tried several times to pry her lips open to continue, but all she could manage was a muffled shudder of breath. "Who did this to you?" the brunette whispered, clinging to her friends hand for dear life. A few deep intakes of breath ensued from the blonde, fearing the moment this inquiry would arrive. The painfully innocent laughter of a child coming from the outside world absorbed her body and soul. For seconds, minutes, hours, she fell deep into the echo of the naïve sounds; willing the painless emotion she felt to evaporate. A deep exhale of held breath. "Nathan."


	3. We're just bleeding for nothing

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my imagination._

_Author's Note: This chapter didn't really turn out like I wanted it too... Anyways R/R  
_

His hardened fingers clenched at her frail wrist, burying them deep into her skin, his other hand tugging at her luxurious blonde curls. He pushed her backwards, watching as she stumbled and fell to the ground.

A drunken snicker of disgust.

Her ripped palms attempted to pull her from his cocaine glazed gaze. Another drunken snicker and his shoe connected with her side, releasing a bellowing sob from deep within her.

"Shut up!"

--

The room was overwhelmed with silence. Earsplitting, gut-wrenching silence. The confused brunette struggled with her own lips, begging them to offer some coherent syllables. The broken blonde dared not move, her eyes captivated with the torn skin on her knee. Not even the sudden knocking at the front door broke the pair's trance. "You can't tell anyone about Nathan" the blonde begged. "Please." With a simple nod, the brunette rose from her seat and paced to the door. "Who is it?" her words were met with a strong, masculine voice. "It's Lucas." Stealing a glance at the blondes broken frame, she pulled the door towards her before slipping in the gap and pulling it shut behind her.

A pair of deep blue eyes met her gaze as she looked up. He stumbled on his words, confused by her unwillingness to let him in. "Is…is Peyton here?" he stuttered, completely oblivious to the previous few days events. She nodded in reply, running her tongue along the silken skin of her lips. "Is she okay?" he questioned, concerned by her demeanor. The brunette exhaled deeply, building the courage to speak. "Luke…we need to talk" she whispered, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder and guiding him to the porch steps. They both sat in utter silence, neither wanting to speak next. "What's going on Brooke?" he mumbled. She breathed in deeply, exhaling as slow as she could. "I…I got a call from the hospital at 2 am yesterday morning, asking me to come in as I was listed as Peyton Sawyers emergency contact. Someone found her passed out at the river court and called 911. She was bruised and battered and bleeding." She swallowed hard, trying to ignore the broken expression etching his face. "They had to operate because the internal bleeding was so severe. When the doctor came out to see me…" she took a deep breath. "She was raped," her eyes began to fill. "She was raped and assaulted and…" Silence. "She lost the baby Luke."

He blinked harshly. Baby. Baby. Baby?

"B…baby?" he stuttered, visibly shaking. The brunette frowned, wiping a stray tear from her cheek and nodded her head. "She was waiting till you came back to surprise you…" she bit down on her bottom lip, willing the tears to retreat. "I'm so sorry Luke." Her hand fell on the small of his back, offering comfort. His eyes flickered, unsure of what emotion to portray. Without warning, he leapt to his feet and turned to the door, pushing it open and stepping into the dark and lifeless house. He searched the living room and kitchen vividly with his eyes, before pacing towards her old bedroom. A distorted cough could be heard from behind the bedroom walls. He breathed in deeply, gathering his strength, forcing himself to stay strong. With a gentle push on the door, he entered the room, searching for those wild blonde locks. He found them against the corner wall, their owner curled into a tight ball. She dared not moved, hoping if she remained still enough, he wouldn't notice her.

Her legs were covered in bruises, cuts and bandages, her arms not dissimilar. Her neck held several deep purple bruises and bite marks. Hands bandaged, feet torn. She finally turned to face him. Face blackened, swollen and shredded. Eyes empty.

"I…I'm sor…I'm sorry Luke."


	4. You'll kill yourself to find freedom

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my imagination_

_Authors note: I forgot to mention, this isn't AU. The attack happened the night that Peyton waits for Mick to turn up and he doesn't, Nathan finds out he's wanted to coach Fort Wayne and Lucas has visited Lindsey. Anyways, R&R. =]_

_Warning: Swearing._

--

The thick scent of alcohol mixed with blood flooded her senses.

"Nathan…" she whimpered. "Nathan…stop."

"Remember how good we were together Peyton," he slurred. "Remember all those nights we'd stay up and just fuck for hours on end." His fingers dug tighter into the skin of her back, pulling her snug to him. "You could never resist a good fuck, could you blondie!"

"Go away!"

"I know you miss me Peyton. Lucas will never be man enough for you compared to me. He could never please you the way I can!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

--

"She asked me to leave," he winced, dragging his feet toward the kitchen counter. "I think she's scared of me." Brooke swallowed, forcing herself not to scream the culprit's name at the top of her lungs. "Just give her some time" she whispered with a nod. He smiled sadly. "Go home and get some rest Luke. I call you if anything happens." He reluctantly agreed, pushing away his desires to stay and protect his fiancé. "I'll drop by tomorrow."

Seconds, minutes, hours passed and the battered blonde finally emerged from the depths of her ex-bedroom. She gingerly pulled herself onto a kitchen stool, watching as her friend putted around the kitchen, aimlessly cooking and cleaning. "Do you want something to eat P?" the brunette questioned. She simply shook her head in response, before clearing her throat. "Brooke…what do I say to Haley?" Brooke half smiled, half frowned at her friends questioning, happy at the most words she'd spoken since the attack, sad at the content of such words. She let out a stifled sigh. "I know you don't want to, but…I think…maybe…we should tell her about Nathan." The blonde flinched. "I know, I know, you don't want anyone to know…but, if he's done this…" she blinked back her tears "to you, he could hurt Haley too…or even Jamie!" Peyton shook her head fiercely. "No! No, please don't tell her Brooke, she'll hate me!" The brunette frowned, stepping over to her friend's side and placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, wincing as Peytons frail form recoiled at her touch. "Peyton, hun, this is not your fault." "Yes it is!" For the first time since the attack, the blonde was showing signs of anger, aggression…emotion. "It's my fault I went to the river court. It's my fault he attacked me. It's my fault he raped me! It's all my fault. I'm the one to blame!" Her frail form crumbled, tears spilling from her bloodshot eyes, harsh sobs falling from her swollen lips. Brooke stepped forward, pulling her into a tight embrace. "It's my fault I lost the baby." Her fingers clung desperately to the brunette's shoulders as she dug her face into her friend's neck.

They stayed for what could have been hours, Brooke offering soothing words and gentle touches until Peyton's sobs finally subsided. "Peyton, I want you to listen to me," the brunette demanded, pulling Peytons chin upwards. "This was not, isn't and never will be YOUR fault. Okay. You've done NOTHING wrong!" Her words were forceful yet comforting. The blonde swallowed and nodded, dropping her gaze from Brookes eyes. "Does Lucas hate me?" The words rung in Brookes ears. She couldn't grasp why her friend would think Lucas would hate her. "He loves you Peyt. He's worried about you."

Neither girl got a wink of sleep that night as they huddled in together in the same bed. The brunette didn't dare stray a glance from her friend as the blonde stared down the hours, wishing and waiting for the sun to rise. "I think I should tell Hayley. I don't want him to hurt her or Jamie." Brooke simply nodded before glancing at the clock. 9:07. "Lucas will be here soon." Peyton gulped and nodded. "Let's get you in the bath. No offense, but you stink P. Sawyer," the brunette joked. A small but definite smile grazed Peytons torn lips. "Okay."


	5. Who will sing their blues for them?

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my imagination._

_Author's Note: Sorry for the lack of updates, I've been busy with end of Grade 12 stuff, but I graduated today, so I've got plenty of time on my hands now. =] Please R+R  
_

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_

"Stop…just please."

"Now, now Peyton, no need to beg," he smirked, running a hand up her bruised thigh.

Another drunken snicker fell from his lips as he slid his hand under the fabric of her dress.

"You always were a tease," he growled, his cruel fingers running over the lace of her underwear.

"No…go away!" she pleaded, her trembling hands pushing at his.

"What's that? Peyton saying no to sex?" He laughed in disgust. "Now there's a first."

"NATHAN STOP!"

--

"NATHAN STOP!"

She awoke suddenly, jerking herself upright. Her chest heaved as she struggled to gain some form of normal breathing pattern. Her eyes flickered open, sunlight filtering through her tear swollen lids. Her hands trembled, her stomach lurched.

"Nathan?"

The thick male voice filled the room, slamming into Peyton's trembling frame. She flinched as a lump formed in her throat. She shook her head furiously, clinging to the bed sheets for dear life. Her eyes finally fell upon her fiancés figure standing in the doorway. Her breathing staggered. Her pulse raced.

"It…it was…was just a bad dream" she stuttered. He frowned and crossed the room and joined her on the bed. "Well, you're awake now. It's all okay" he whispered, gently placing a hand on her bruised cheek.

He smiled inwardly when she didn't flinch under his touch. This was the first time in the 2 weeks since her attack she'd allowed him to touch her. "So what do you want to do today?" She swallowed, lowering her gaze. "I um…I think I wanna come home."

When he pulled the door shut to her room, one thought was still plaguing his mind. NATHAN STOP. Her words echoed through his soul. "Are you alright Luke?" Brooke questioned, noting Lucas's weary expression.

He shook his head, ridding the confusion from his mind before pulling his lips into a small smile. "She wants to come home," he whispered. "That's great!" the brunette announced. He nodded in agreement. "Yeah," he paused, furrowing his brow. "Brooke…I…I know you said Peyton didn't know her attacker…but…you know what, it doesn't matter." He shook his head, brushing off his trail of thoughts. Brooke titled her head, eyes focused on his distracted gaze. "Did…did Peyton say something to you?" Brooke questioned.

He fixed his gaze on hers, eyes meeting in an unified understanding. "She had another bad dream, only this time she was calling out in her sleep too…" Lucas watched as Brooke swallowed. "She said 'Nathan stop!'…" Brooke unlatched her gaze from his, fiercely trying to decided on a course of action. "Brooke." She let out a deep puff of air, reluctantly returning her gaze to his, eyes filled with sorrow and apologies "Luke…I…" she stuttered, unsure of how to complete her sentence.

"I'm gunna kill him."


	6. Noone else will know these lonely dreams

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my imagination._

_Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate them =] I'll try to make my chapters longer. // I'm sort of unhappy with how this chapter turned out...I'm not entirely sure. It's a bit meh. But anyways, enjoy. xo  
_

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"If you ever tell Haley, I'll kill you."

A sharp stabbing pain coursed throughout her body. She bit down violently on her bottom lip to stop from screaming as she scraped desperately for air. Her lungs betrayed her, lulling her mind into darkness.

The wind was harsh against her torn skin.

The pavement was bitter against her naked stomach.

The bright street lights unsympathetic on her bloodshot eyes.

--

"Lucas wait!"

The petite brunette chased her enraged friend as he paced towards his car.

"Please!"

Lucas stopped in his tracks, breath hitched, fists clenched. "Luke, you can't do anything! Please!" Brooke pleaded. He spun on his heals, eyes blazing. "And why not? Why the hell not? That bastard hurt her and you expect me to sit back and do nothing! He raped and beat her and…he…" he swallowed, trying to control his emotions. "He killed my unborn child Brooke." His words were venomous, each syllable filled with hatred and spite. "I know. I'm just as excruciatingly furious and livid as you are… but please Luke, just wait." The two stared each other down, willing the other to give in. "Give me one good reason."

The brunette took in a deep breathe, stabilizing her emotions. "Haley." His tense demeanor crumbled. His fist unclenched. Gaze fell. Breathing slowed. "Peyton's been trying to tell her, but thing's just keep getting in the way. And you killing Haley's husband isn't going to move the process along any quicker."

Silence engulfed the pair, pulling them into an unbearably tense atmosphere. His heavy lids sheltered his baby blues from the world as he willed himself to maintain composed. Her deep hazels pleaded for acceptance, longing to take his pain away. Lucas rubbed his forehead, releasing a deep breath. "I'll ring Haley and we'll tell her now. All three of us." Brooke simply nodded in agreement.

--

_If you ever tell Haley I'll kill you. _She shivered as she remembered his venomous statement. She'd never felt so nervous in her life. Her entire body was shaking, fingertips trembling, lips quivering. She pried apart her recently scared lips, in hope of speech, but quickly decided against it. The petite brunette woman across from her carried a look of confusion and worry. Her best friend and her fiancé sat to the side, willing her to continue.

She had to do this now.

"Hayls…I…just please don't hate me for this." Haley shot her trembling friend a bewildered gaze. "Why would I hate you?" Peyton swallowed harshly, biting ruthlessly into her bottom lip. With a deep breath and tightly shut eyes she ensued. "N…Na…Nathan was the one who attacked me…" Her eyes flickered open, falling upon Haley's disbelieving stare. "I'm so sorry Hayls. I really am."

For several minutes they sat in silence. No-one moving, no-one speaking. Total obliterating silence. "I don't believe you."

The words took them all by surprise. They twisted through the room, knocking the wind from each and every soul. Peyton nodded, choking back tears as she pressed her lips tightly together. She could feel her heart crushing into a million pieces. "I…he…he would never do that. I'm sorry, you must be mistaken." She simply nodded again, peeling herself from the couch and dragging her feet towards her bedroom, each step sending her further backwards into the devastatingly depressed state that consumed her two weeks earlier. She pulled the bedroom door closed behind her, allowing herself to fall backwards against the cool wooden barricade. _If you ever tell Haley I'll kill you. _The words played over and over in her mind, eating away at every remaining sense of security. She clung to her own skin in sheer desperation for safety, comfort…refuge.

--

"Haley, I know this is hard to believe, but think back, where was Nathan on the night Peyton was attacked?" Brooke questioned.

Another silence tore through the room. Lucas paced nervously in front of Peyton's door, unsure of whether to enter and comfort his fiancé, or leave her be. Brooke gazed nervously at Haley as she processed everything that she'd just been told and asked. Her eyes were fixed firmly on the coffee table infront of her, her hands were tightly intwined, her teeth burrowing into her crimson lip. Her eyes flickered upwards, finding Brookes. Her mouth fell agape in silence realization. "It was Nathan…He…he did it. He came home drunk and his clothes were torn and…he told me he'd got into a fight at the bar. I…I…" she stuttered upon her words, unsure of what to say as realization sunk through her soul.

"Now can I kill him?" Lucas's word's rung through the room, pulling both girls gaze towards him. With nods from both girls, he flung himself towards the door and ran from the house, encasing the room in silence.


	7. Don't let yourself drown in forget

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my imagination._

_Author's Note: Thanks again for the reviews. I really appreciate them!! I'm not doing so well at making the chapters longer =[ I'll keep trying though. Anyways, enjoy. =] _

_ps. I'm so so sorry about the constant deleting and reposting of this chapter. For some reason there was heaps of random text that kept appearing at the beginning of the chapter that would only rear it's ugly head once I'd posted it. Sorry. _

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His harsh fingers curled around the torn skin of her neck, pulling her closer to him. He snickered and she stumbled forward, tears lacing her tattered cheeks.

"You don't have to fight it, I know you want this too."

She flinched, trying desperately to pull herself from his unyielding grasp.

"The more you fight it, the worse it will be. Just let yourself enjoy this Peyton."

He reached forward, gently wiping the tears from her stinging cheeks. A smirk tugged at his cheeks as she recoiled from his touch.

"Don't fight it…don't fight it Peyton. You know you're mine."

--

An eerie silence echoed throughout the Scott residence as Lucas stood over his younger brother Nathan.

"_Hey Luke, what's up?" Nathan questioned, catching sight of his older brothers blonde locks out of the corner of his eye. "Get out!" Nathan turned to query Lucas's outburst, only to fall victim to his fist. "What the hell man?" Nathan yelled, peeling himself from the ground and holding his now bleeding nose. _

"_I said get out!"_

_Nathan's gaze flickered towards his angered brother. His fists were clenched, eyes thick with hatred, breath trembling._

"_Why?"_

_Lucas's eyes flung wide open at Nathans questioning. "Why? Why? You want to know WHY?" he took a step forward, crouching down in front of his brother. "Because if you don't get off the ground and leave this very instant I'll give you more than just a broken nose."_

_Cracking his neck, Nathan swallowed and began climbing to his feet. "And what makes you think I'm afraid of you?" Lucas's gaze intensified. "Because nobody hurts those I love and gets away with it."_

_Fists flew. Furniture crumpled. Glass smashed._

"I said get out."

--

Her fingers trailed the yellowing bruises on her frail forearm, deep in reminiscent thought. She could hear Brooke comforting Haley through the walls she considered her safeguard from the world. "What about Jamie?" Peyton fell to the mattress of the bed, sinking deep into the blankets and sheets. Her thoughts began to wander, twisting through the broken and devastated wounds that battered her soul. Her fingers danced across her stomach absent-mindedly as she laid down, blonde locks spreading across the blankets. She was going to be a mother. She was going to have a child. Lucas was going to be a father. A single tear began to make its way down her cheek.

_He would have made a great father._

Her fingers stopped their gentle tracks along the scared skin of her stomach.

_He'd always wanted children._

Her nails dug into the already torn skin, scratching and tearing away at her healing wounds.

_But she lost HIS child._

Blood began to seep from the wounds, lacing her fingers with crimson pleas to stop.

_He'd never_ _forgive her._

She bit down hard on her bottom lip, as pain etched its way throughout her…but she continued anyways.

_She'd never forgive herself._

--

The bitter wind clung tightly to his stinging wounds. The gentle roll of the water behind him combined with the rustle of the leaves as Nathan stared at the harsh bitumen of the river court. He glanced over the words of love that adorned the surface, noting a dark red stain covering the word always. He knew this to be the remnants of Peyton's attack. He shook his head, grieving for his friend and his brother. _Get out! _The brother who had already been through so much pain. _Get out! _ The brother who'd longed for the love of Peyton Sawyer for years. _Get out! _ The brother who'd stood by her side as she overcame the heartache of her birth mothers death, her brother's abandonment, her stalker attacks… _GET OUT! _The brother who had just assaulted him out of his own house. _GET OFF!_

The differing voice echoed through his mind, dropping him into a pool of confusion.

_PLEASE! JUST STOP! _

He shook his head and rubbed his eyes, puzzled as to where these memories where coming from.

_GO AWAY!_

Pushing through the screams that twisted through his subconscious, he returned to staring at the bitter bitumen of the River Court. His eyes fell once more the dark red blood stain.

_NATHAN STOP!_


End file.
